Bev once said

I raise my eyes to the darkening sky and the magical story it holds above me, dangling out of reach. The land i stand upon holds nothing to ease my restless conscience, unlike the sky, the bold brazen sky. It is Limitless. But whilst i look upon the expanse surrounding me the cold begins to dull my taste of the once sweet fresh air, it becomes stale between my teeth. It tingles my skin, tickling playfully at the hairs upon my arms, until it plays no more but seeps beneath my skin to seek the warm blood that courses through my body. I take one last gulp of the skies visual performance and lower my eyes to my own world.

Can i ask you why do you drink cow’s milk? Can i ask why you eat beef?

Lets start with dairy…

And don’t answer taste, because my qestion would have been why do you like dairy.

Is it Osteoporosis? Probably not since Dairy actually supplies little benefit to human bone strength, its has been proven again and again that consuming dairy does not make your bones stronger, in fact exercise is what improves your bone density.

Is it Fat? well i can assume you don’t consume it because you want to get fat, but considering its one of the top sources of saturated fats in your diet… well maybe you want to get increase your risk of heart disease?

is it Cancer? Because its been suggested that consuming dairy can increase your risk of prostate or breast cancer, not just because dairy accounts for approx 65% of your Estrogens but also because it increases your Insulin-like Growth factor.

Now i’m no scientist or dietician but if those three ideas don’t make you want to reconsider dairy then maybe the fact that the 800 000 thousand bobby calves are slaughtered in australia every year for the dairy industry will. And the beef industry? Well 9 -10 million cows are killed every year for that. I hope you don’t think cows get to laze around in green paddocks eating grass for the 20-25 years that they should live? Because you have been sorely misinformed, In fact the average life of a beef cow is 15-20 months. Grass fed? Yes we have do have grass fed cows, but these cows are often left in the vast Australian outback where temperatures are extreme, droughts are often and there isn’t really any shade. But don’t even think about feedlots, because the cows are also left out in the sun, in small yards breathing in the dust, ammonia and all sorts of harmful bacteria, not to mention the unnatural diet that causes severe digestive disorders. Almost unsurprising is the fact that unless the cow is from Queensland its allowed to be fed chicken excrement.

Dont forget about how they are slaughtered either, by law all cows have to be stunned before being slaughtered, sometimes by having their head smashed with a metal bolt. They are then hoisted up by a hind leg, which would naturally break bones and ligaments, while some of these cows haven’t been stunned properly because of the fast paced working conditions, dismemberment begins nonetheless. Unfortunately there isn’t really a humane way to raise and kill to supply our demand for dairy and beef, the cows will always pay. 

I remember some moments so clearly amongst the haze of my childhood memories. Its a moment that’s never truly left me, thats always in the breeze that rustles my memories. It was a school morning, words left raw, feelings left unspoken for they where written in my mothers movements. I dont remember her exact words, her exact request. Ive shut them off, it pains me to think of what she might have said. But all of a sudden im walking down that cold dark hallway, i knock softly on the door which always rattles in the wind and wait for her soft hollow welcome. She sits cross legged, with her pink silk shorts barely covering her scarred brown thighs and a singlet that drapes itself across her extruding collarbone. Her hair is a curtain across her face, a face where tears have left a shiny trail, like a snail across the concrete. She had her elbows poking out towards the world surrounding her, a barrier from reality, one movement and reality could be gone. In her delicate hands she daintily held an old knife with a worn wooden handle. I used to hate that knife, i used to hate how it felt in my hands as it had never been worn by time to fit within the curves of you palm but stiffened by misuse. I kneeled before her, school bag rattling with my assortment of keyring’s, and placed my hands upon her elbows, they where trembling like a leaf in spring, ready to fall but waiting for that last strong breeze. Im not sure what i said, or what happened after, all i remember is how i felt when i came home that afternoon and she was still their, still hanging on. 

You turn, the sun light illuminates the edge of your silhouette and each curve and motion of your body that follows from. Eyebrows furrowed in the harsh light a smile flickers on your lips. Im not sure what it is about that moment, wether it is the way i felt when i saw you, or the way the world made you look, the way the sun made you in that moment, i wont forget it, i wont forget you. 

I watched an the first episode of an odd korean tv series today. In a way the girl who hides beneath her fringe and stares so questioningly at the ground reminded me of parts of my childhood. I remember staring at the walls, breathing in the violence, the anger, the static. Voices bouncing in my head, words on repeat, sentences torn apart. I was young, i was innocent i was voiceless. The only good parts i remember of my childhood were spent alongside my cousin. She was my rock and i tried my hardest never to lean on her because i wanted to be strong. But its never really about being strong is it? Strength can be a weakness, weakness can be a strength. My innocence, my youth, my voiceless thoughts protected me. I am older now, my voice quiet but sharp to the point. I am exposed now, I am exposed to the violence, the hatred, the static energy that vibrates between these people, my family. 

I just spent all my money

and i can tell you one thing

it wasn’t on my horse.

I say nothing

my mind is full of thoughts that do not speak

they wander restlessly

maybe their captivity causes anxiety

maybe they strive to fall upon my lips

and break my innocent pout.

I hear nothing

for awhile my mind is quiet

have i drowned my thoughts with silence?

or is it simply a cease fire

say nothing

hear nothing.

In the end one will break

my sealed lips or my unlocked mind

my lips will unlock

or my mind will seal.

i dont know which i would prefer.